Nadine Jansen Jan 18th 2010

Throw the ball beyond

There is something wrong, not right. People continue to run and I seem to be like those who try to stay not to get lost in the large group. But all that I can not digest it. Why?
begin to move back to the neurons and my thoughts are more slowly decipherable. Reminded of obligations and duties, but in the meantime I let myself be carried away by pleasure.
But still all about going fast. What? I can not keep up? Yet there are still, I'm here, I write, I work, I live. What?
Shit, I think everything is going at light speed, I get the feeling that this evening, over a working week, is simply a prelude to Monday morning. I am sick, thinking about it. It 's all so fast that they are disoriented. I do not have time to watch the calendar that my mind is already beginning to project itself into the middle of September, or even beyond. And if you think about it, my head is spinning. I seem to not be myself and I seem to find myself right in the evening. And it all started in these two nights, to be precise. The whole world stops of speed too, in those moments, in those hours. It leaves me free and allows you to others. But I still, in those hours.
It 's like to let fall, after a day on the edge of a cliff. Fall from exhaustion, you let go, glad not to have to resist. And so you fall on deaf ears, do not think about what's underneath, perhaps you'll get hurt, but for a while you want to blow your head beyond obstacle. How to throw a ball beyond the wall, you do not know what's there, that will end your ball, you can see her back, like to see it fade away, sucked out of nowhere. My head to the side of the wall, down a ravine, in freedom and mystery of fall. And I like it, because it seems that all those who run the I is showing a nice middle finger, as I fall. And I'm happy, happy to show them my disdain, happy to show them that I like, happy to fall into the blank, stunned in my senses of alienation and disorientation. And I like because I'm not alone, but we're falling in two.
A nice middle finger to the health of all, a nice fuck in the world now have returned soll'orlo of the ravine. Tonight we are reprecipitated.

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Progressive resurface

I'm starting to slowly take over the vital functions. They are less and less surprised by what is around me. Beginning to return to normal a little pre-holiday. Better, but worse, depending on your point of view. Better because I could not stay in limbo forever and I feel that I'm going out slowly. Worse because from a certain point of view was also nice to live in the lapels of his mind, asleep by that sense of sheer drowsiness that makes you never really understand how's your health. Satisfying the desires of many and teaching work of redemption to those who should direct. Are approached by a lot of people più acclimatata di me e vengo improvvisamente sbalzato in una realtà che sto cominciando a ridigerire con la dovuta lentezza. Ma tutti continuano a correre e io di voglia non ne ho.

E stamattina c'ho pure il mal di stomaco.

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Velociraptor

Tutti corrono, corrono, corrono. Nessuno sembra mai fermarsi, nessuno sembra attendere un secondo per riflettere. Tutti corrono....corrono.....corrono. Non capisco se sono loro che corrono o se sono io che mi sono fermato. Mi sembro fermo, immobile, di sasso, di fronte alle reazioni delle altre persone. Mi stropiccio occhi e orecchie e resto incredulo di fronte alle tante cose che si stanno accumulando sopra la mia scrivania in attesa di essere "sbrigate".

Ho uno strano senso di inadeguatezza, non riesco a mettere la seconda marcia, aleggio ancora tra sedie, sigarette e birre condite da discussioni che non hanno che la semplice velocità della parola.

Riprenderò mai la mia dimensione naturale? Tornerò mai a ragionare velocemente come prima? Funzionerà ancora per tanto questo freno a mano tirato in corsa?

Domande a cui forse mai darò una risposta. Intanto attendo di tornare me stesso. O forse lo sono adesso me stesso...?